To the girls on this site can you maybe give me some insight as to why my girlfriend is acting this

my girlfriend isn%26#039;t the type of person that likes to spend a lot of time with her boyfriend and when she does(seeing each other several days in a row,numerous phone calls,etc.)she pulls back and gets distant.lately she%26#039;s become less affectionate and she says she doesn%26#039;t know why.i think it has to do with her job(she hates it),her living situation(living at home due to school loans) and that she has put on a couple of pounds.the problem is is that it%26#039;s affecting our relationship and i don%26#039;t want it to.i%26#039;m thinking that maybe we should go to counseling but it%26#039;s hard to tell that to her because she gets defensive.i%26#039;m very diplomatic when it comes to bringing up a problem with us,but we%26#039;ve talked about this several times and haven%26#039;t come up with a solution yet.we have both stated that we don%26#039;t want the relationship to end,but this %26quot;no affection%26quot; thing has become a problem for both of us.it%26#039;s not all about sex,it%26#039;s the emotional affection that has also slowed down.thank you for any help.

To the girls on this site can you maybe give me some insight as to why my girlfriend is acting this way?

I have been in a similar situation. I %26amp; my exes have both been defensive when it comes to going to counseling/therapy b/c it IS uncomfortable telling problems to a total stranger. I would either try discussing the whole matter with her one more time in a calm/rational manner IF possible. If she doesn%26#039;t want to the relationship to end %26amp; you feel counseling might help?: make a deal with her that she goes with you one time %26amp; if she doesn%26#039;t like it don%26#039;t go back. If she REALLY cares she%26#039;ll listen %26amp; take your feelings %26amp; suggestions into consideration. Good luck.

To the girls on this site can you maybe give me some insight as to why my girlfriend is acting this way?

Wow this sounds frighteningly familiar. This is the exact situation going on between me and my husband. I also would get very defensive, and I can%26#039;t tell you why except that I was very insecure with myself. Honestly I think the best thing is to try your best not to accuse or attack but to say things like I think you are unhappy and can I help, I am here to support you, lots of I love you, and show that support. I wish I would have listened to my husband but I just think I was afraid and ashamed of how I felt. Now 15 years of this and we are not sure if we can recover. I hope we can, but you need to take care of this before it goes too long. Best of luck.

To the girls on this site can you maybe give me some insight as to why my girlfriend is acting this way?

you need to talk to her. not right away though, give it time, if she is acting like that something is wrong. just ask her every once in a while what%26#039;s going on and if she just gets defensive or yells or something then don%26#039;t get offended, just change the subject. she will tell you what%26#039;s going on when she is ready. sometimes she might not feel comfortable telling you and thats ok. it doesn%26#039;t mean she hates you. just tell her that she needs to tell someone, anyone what is going on even if it%26#039;s not you she tells. good luck

To the girls on this site can you maybe give me some insight as to why my girlfriend is acting this way?

I don%26#039;t know how long you have been dating, but it sounds like a long-term thing. Good for you for suggesting counseling. She sounds depressed. When I get depressed, I often want to be left alone, and it took me a few years to realize that I lashed out at people I loved when I felt bad. Why don%26#039;t you take baby steps. Help her with her resume. When you spend time with her, help her study for exams; quiz her on her material. She may just be stressed because she has so much going on, and resent you unconsciously when you take up too much of her free time. It sounds like she needs some peace and quiet. Maybe this summer, you can take her to the beach or a lake for a weekend so she can recuperate. Keep being patient with her. Once her situation changes and she has a normal schedule, she will realize that you%26#039;re a gem = )

To the girls on this site can you maybe give me some insight as to why my girlfriend is acting this way?

I feel for you. while i was in college i was in a bad living situation, hard school situation and was going through a bought with depression. my boyfriend (now husband) stood by me and just comforted me and showed me love, whether or not i showed it to him.....I was however going to counsling during this time (we only saw oneanother on weekends).....

so i think your diagnosis is correct, and i think you just need to be there for her as it is a very strong statement. Ask her if it would help her to talk to a counslor (at schools they have a free counslor--thats were i went). Good luck and said a prayer for you two.

To the girls on this site can you maybe give me some insight as to why my girlfriend is acting this way?

Oh my gosh, bless your heart, you are going to have a rough time most likely if you are going to stick this out and see her through it. In my opinion chances are that she Will come around out of it, but it could take a while....especially if waiting for environmental situations to change. It could be a combination of stress, depression, hormones, or self conceit. Obviously she has got a lot of issues going on and is less than able, if willing, to contribute what she needs towards a fulfilling relationship at the moment. She really probably does NOT know why she is lacking in affection, she is not doing it consciously, it is a result of some other issue preoccupying her mind. But it is NOT anything wrong with YOU. She is not paying attention to if your needs are being met, something she can hopefully grow out of, but yes will take effort, counseling, acknowledgment. She is defensive when you bring it up because she wants to overcome her difficulties On Her Own, doesnt like neediness. Im guessing she obsesses about her imperfections. Try to encourage her to relax, maybe enjoy an peaceful simple activity together....point out to her the things you admire about her, the qualities that make her so worthwhile to you; remind her that these setbacks are not permanent--new jobs opportunities come, school loans get paid, pounds are shed, %26quot;This Too Shall Pass%26quot; There is nothing weak about getting an educated expert%26#039;s objective opinion, on the contrary--striving to weed out imperfections (limiting behaviors) makes for a stronger healthier garden (relationship). The good news is she should be tremendously grateful to have someone so patient and dedicated to stay by her side while she is going through these obstacles--willing to go through them with her..... to have someone that truly loves her during good times and bad, sickness and health........for better or for worse.